So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
