I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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