Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize