I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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