did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
