took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
