I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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