Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
