I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
last night I used snow as a chaser
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
