Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
