We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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