i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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