Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
