Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
