This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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