a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize
