super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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