Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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