That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
