He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
