weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no, he came in my armpit
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
