Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
