I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
