WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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