I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize