420 ftw
id be glad to
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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