Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
