i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize