I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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