Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
