I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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