We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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