You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
