I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
