I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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