im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
