last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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