I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
