Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
