don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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