We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
