The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
