I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
