it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think i have herpe
just one?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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