Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
