one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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