Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
