it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
