the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
