Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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