I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
