i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
