My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
