He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
