Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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