WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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