My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
