Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
