Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
