I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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