He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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