I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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