I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
