I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
