Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
