please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
